She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
