At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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