Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
