wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
