If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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