I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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