If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
