the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
