One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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