I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
