I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
