I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
