That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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