Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They have beer where we have blood.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
