how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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