Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
