thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
