why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
