So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
