When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
