Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
