I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
