I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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