Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
