Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
