i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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