is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
