i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
