I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
