i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
