my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
