Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The cops high fived after they tackled you
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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