Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
