I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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