tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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