I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my being single is dangerous.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
