maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
