your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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