just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
