Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
