the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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