Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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