so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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