I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
