Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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