can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
