I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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