I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
