just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
