Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
